I'm thinking I should start from when I was little.
When I was born, I weighed 6lb 14oz. That's pretty tiny (today's average weight is 7.5lbs). I got pretty chubby by 6 months, and a little bit more so by 1 year, but after than I pretty much evened out (I got tall and thinner).
When I was a kid (age 3-11) I was pretty skinny and tall. People would assume I was older, and expected me to "act my age" (or act the age they thought I was).
Then puberty hit. Starting from about age 12, I ate whatever the heck I wanted, because I was always hungry. We didn't buy a lot of healthy "quick to grab" snacks. I was downing about 4 or 5 Mellow Yellows, or Diet Pepsis a day and I'm not exaggerating. I gained a bit of weight. The most I remember weighing at the doctor's office was about 135, which was actually my perfect weight for being healthy.
Then my metabolism caught up with me, and I was skinny again! Lol. I'm sure that's not how it worked. Although, I'm sure my dad's death had a lot to do with it, and maybe even my parent's divorce. I was pretty sensitive, and I got depressed pretty easily. Another thing might have been that I was called fat sometimes. Sometimes indirectly ("Christy, suck it in") or directly ("Wow, you look fat").
From age 15ish to age 21ish, I was pretty thin (not sickly, just thin). I was working at the daycare when I was 18-21, and the last 2 years of working there, I probably had 1 or 2 Mountain Dews a day. I'd always bring huge bags of Skittles and eat them all (I'd share, but I ate most of them).
I really liked my body back then. Yes, I knew I had a smaller bust than most of my friends, but I didn't really care....
When I got married at age 21, I gained about 15 pounds (or a little more) in a few months. Of course, that was right after the holidays. I didn't really notice the change until I weighed myself, and even then, I wasn't sure where all the weight was (my pants still fit right, and I didn't need to change shirt sizes).
And then I got pregnant. I lost quite a bit of weight in my first trimester. And then I blew up pretty quickly. I thought that I would have been cute when I was pregnant. I ended up carrying really low, and that made me look bigger. My face and neck got chubby, and I didn't feel very cute. I ended up at 167lbs at the end of my pregnancy. I ended up getting back to about 140! =D Go me!
So here we are to today. I weigh 160, and I'm not proud of it. Most of the weight is in my stomach and butt and thighs. My bust is almost back to where it was 2 years ago, except its much much saggier. I do not like my mommy body. I feel like a "normal American" and I don't like that.
I have a huge negativity to almost everyone's bodies. I feel like that comes from seeing how everyone else in my family hates their bodies. I get called fat by my own family sometimes. I know I need to change my thinking, but that's pretty freaking hard when someone who supposedly loves you calls you negative names.
When Joey was born, I was expecting a 7-pound-or-less baby. He came out at almost 8 pounds. I loved him, but I felt disappointed that I didn't have the tiny newborn. A lot of people commented on how big he was. I feel that it's inappropriate to call anyone "fat" or "big", even babies. How do you think a mom feels when she is told her new baby is huge? I don't think any mom wants to have a huge baby.
I made a decision when I got pregnant, that I would not hate my body. I didn't want to teach my children that they should hate themselves in any way. I figured I'd be back at 125 right after I had Joey (based on my metabolism), and I thought it would be easy to love my body. It's not. It's down right hard, and I hate my body.
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