Lately, I've been kind of down in the dumps. Not "depression blues", just feeling like I don't have a good life....I think we all hit that place once in a while.
I'm part of a mom's group, and it's for large families (all the moms have, or want, a lot of kids). I asked everyone what the best and worst parts are of having a large family.
Most said the best parts were that your kids always had someone to play with, and that the love and laughter and fun never ended.
Most said the hardest part was the noise, the fighting, and the never-ending housework.
Ironically, their answers made me feel less in the dumps! I wasn't being negative when I asked the question; I was curious to know what others struggled with.
Personally, MY hardest part of having a large-ish family, or just being a mom in general, is the noise, or the fact that a lot of things are out of my control (like when the kids fall asleep every night, for example. I'd love it if they were ALL asleep by 8 or 8:30. Emmalyn didn't fall asleep until 9 or 9:30 last night, and that was really hard because she isn't a quiet child. The fact that she isn't quiet like her brothers when we say it's quiet time is just another thing out of my control).
A lot of the moms' answers also led me to feeling more grateful for what I DO have:
Jonathan has been doing ALL of the laundry this pregnancy (I once ran up the stairs several times in an hour and had bleeding, and the mess of downstairs stresses me out to no end).
Emmalyn has stopped pooping at night (for the most part). This is HUGE for me. It is so much easier to clean and change her now.
Benjamin is starting to talk little by little. He still screams most of the time if he's unhappy, but he LOVES to be read to, and he tries to say the words that we read to him. I think we're going to get him some books for his birthday and Christmas.
Joey has always been a huge help. He can turn on the TV and start a movie in the mornings when I just need 5 extra minutes (okay, maybe it's closer to 20) of sleep/waking up time. He can get anything out of the refrigerator, and can fill up his own water bottle and shut it so it doesn't spill.
All of the kids have been loving that I'm teaching them how to (or letting them!) dry the dishes that come out of the dishwasher. The nice thing is, most of our stuff is plastic haha! I feel like I'm doing something right by teaching them how to do chores (and that they like it!). They also love to sweep and mop (when I let them....which isn't often...). I'm grateful that my children are so willing to help take care of their house with me.
I actually don't struggle with the housework. I feel like I keep our house pretty tidy, and clean for the most part. The kids do help (like putting all of the toys away into the tote we have in the living room, and the boys are good at being quiet when I ask when I need 5 seconds to think, and all of them are really good at playing nicely together...usually), but I honestly do most of it (minus the laundry). I don't mind it; it just might take me longer to get it done because I wasn't raised to do chores. But it still gets done.
I love having a dishwasher. In our duplex (which we were in for over 2 years, which is the longest we'd ever lived somewhere married), we didn't have one. We didn't have the money to buy one. It is SUCH a time saver.
I love and hate having only hardwood and laminate floors in the house (no carpet anywhere). It makes it SO much easier to clean, but it's always cold and loud. At least I don't have to vacuum right?
I have a chest freezer (I got it for Mother's Day this year), and Jonathan brought it upstairs so I could actually use it, instead of just letting it sit in the basement. We're going to plug it in and turn it on tonight and we will be able to fill it up tomorrow, and I can't wait.
2018 is going to be a big change for us: A new baby, no more school (Jonathan has decided to take a break to work on the experience side of his job), planning our spending a little better, and hopefully taking a trip with just the 6 of us somewhere simple (like Spokane, Boise, or Utah for a 3 day weekend or something).
All of this reflecting has made me realize that we all have different struggles. I would GLADLY trade my struggles for different ones, but then, I'd probably struggle with those different struggles. But that is why our lives are just that; OURS. This realization has helped me accept my struggle with anxiety. I've been angry about it for a while, seeing others that don't have it made me soooo jealous. I wanted to be happy and not stressed out! I wanted to be the best mom in the world. But this is my trial, and I will endure to the end.
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