Since I'm awake....

It's 6:15am. For some of you, that's your normal wake up time. For me and the kids though, that's almost 3 hours early. Jonathan and I were up last night with Emmalyn. She kept crying and only stopped to nurse or sleep for like 20 minutes. Then Joey came into our room at about 3:30, poopy, and crying, and wanting to sleep in our bed. Jonathan went and changed him and we all tried to go back to sleep. Emmalyn kept crying, so Jonathan took her over to Joey's' room, where there is a heater.

So now my two children are asleep, but they have switched rooms; Joey's in our bed, Emmy's on Joey's floor. Since I am awake for the day, I thought I'd post.


Before I got pregnant with Emmalyn, I was worried about how I'd "handle" a girl, if I ever had one. I worried that I'd be jealous of her because she'd have her dad (and I don't), and that I would become even more jealous and start to hate her (this was all of a non-existent daughter).

Fast forward to when I was pregnant with her. We didn't find her gender out at the ultrasound. We found out in the car alone together (my mom watched Joey). I unfolded the piece of paper, and saw that the word began with a "G". GIRL!  I was so excited! I started screaming, and then crying, and then crying sad tears (the sad tears are from something I'm not ready to share 100% yet). The thought of being jealous or hateful towards my baby girl never crossed my mind.

Then I had her. She was perfect and I was so happy. We were all healthy. Joey loved his new sister and she tolerated him really well haha.

And then I noticed something. She had/has blue eyes! I know most babies are born with blue eyes, even if they turn brown later on (Joey had deeeep blue eyes, but I think I knew they'd turn brown). Her eyes are a lighter blue than Joey's were. I'd probably still call them deep, but they are definitely blue, whereas with Joey's, someone could have mistaken his for being brown since birth. I know her eyes have plenty of time to change though.

Now, I'm not jealous of her for having blue eyes. Yes, I used to wish I was one of the "pretty girls" that had blue eyes, but not anymore. I like my eye color now. I have a feeling it has to do with Joey. He looks so much like me when I was a toddler, and his eyes are brown. I love Joey so much. I think he's the cutest, and most handsome 2 year old ever. So doesn't that make me like how I look? Kind of?

I want Emmalyn to look like me. I want her eyes to change to brown. Of course I will still love her, and of course she will still be beautiful, no matter what color her eyes are. There's just something about having my children look like me that makes me relieved I guess. Maybe since I was adopted? I've never met my biological family, so I have no idea who I look like. I love how Joey looks like a mini-me (only in opposite gender form haha). Who knows, maybe Emmalyn may not look like me, but maybe she'll have my personality. And maybe Joey looks like me, but he probably won't like the same things I do.



I am so excited for the holidays. I can't wait to see my father in law (who hasn't met Emmalyn yet), and I can't wait to have family time, and have our own Christmas with just the 4 of us.

Emmalyn's blessing day is the 28th. Her gown came the day before yesterday!! We ordered a newborn size, hoping it wouldn't be too small to alter a tiny bit. It fit perfectly, which means we might have to make it a tiny bit bigger (just adding a panel with buttons should do it, no need to take out seams). When her gown came, and I saw it, I cried. It's perfect. It's what I've dreamed about for my daughter to wear on her christening day.